I was talking to my friend last night and I told him what happened to my recent visit at the palliative care center. Palliative care is actually our next step because like what I’ve said, mom will no longer take chemo. According to our doctor, palliative care would mean that we will no longer prolong mom’s life but we will not shorten it. Palliative care will prioritize quality life while she is alive.
Mom’s new doctor is very lighthearted and jolly. I love his energy. He would also talk about death the way I talk about death and how my mother talks about it. He also reminded me that we will all experience it one way or another. He gave us higher doses of pain relievers in case mom’s pain will reach 10/10. I then asked one of the most difficult questions a son will ask: How long are we still going to be with my mom. He said since the cancer is aggressive, it will only take 4-6 months, but the initial signs will start once she refuses to eat. So far, mom’s appetite is still good. She recently asked me to buy her Black Tea with Grapefruit and Strawberry syrup in Starbucks.
My friend felt sad with the prognosis and asked me if I’m going to be fine. I told him that I am going to be fine. I added that while waiting for my turn at the palliative care clinic, I already drafted a resolution on what to do in the next 6 months. He started laughing because he said that even in times like this, I am a planner. For this stopover episode, I would like to read my plans in the next 6 months.
The next 6 months is probably going to be the most crucial months of my life. My mother is dying and I am not sure if she will be here after 6 months. God willing, she will still be here for Christmas because I was not able to spend Christmas with them last year because of the pandemic. But the “next 6 months” project is for me, to save myself from further pain and suffering the next few months will bring. This is also a personal time to reflect and to work on a very tight and disciplined routine during this season. Preparing for my mother’s imminent death is never easy, that is why I need this plan in order for me to atleast minimize the physical, emotional and mental damages of this season.
- 5x a week workout. I will start the Built By Science program by Jeremy Ethier, a fitness coach, on Saturday, March 20, 2021. March 16 to March 19 will be a “workout bootcamp” I will work my heart out studying the concepts and theories behind this new program. This is a proper nutrition and proper exercise program. Note that exercise is very vital during this difficult season. (context: I am currently using the beginner’s workout program by jeff nippard. this new program is for the intermediate lifters)
- Meditation– A 30minute meditation (regardless of the style) should be added on this daily routine. I can be creative with this. Allot a regular time for this, but not strict. The next 5 days will be spent in cleaning the meditation area and trying out progression in meditation (10mins, 15mins, 20mins, and so on and so forth). Use Headspace app as a tool. You can also chant a mantra. Again, be creative.
- Creative documentation– allot a special time in journalling and podcasting and creating things throughout this season. One stopover episode and one regular episode could be published weekly.
- Reading. Allot a special time for reading. read anything, not necessarily spiritual books.
- Take it all in. Embrace the pain and all the emotions that may arise during this season. Learn to accept future dramas inside the family, historically, this is inevitable. Learn to manage your energy. Slowly detach yourself more to the dying loved one. Learn from all this. Learn to always let go everyday. There are no “must do” or “must haves” during this season. This is your battle. No one can take this away from you. FIGHT IT GRACEFULLY.